TRANSLATION
Men are responsible for care of women, as God has allocated His bounty differently among them, and men should spend their resources for such care. Righteous women are devoted [to God and family] and protect familial privacy and intimacy, which God asks them to guard. If you have reason to fear persistent discord and failure of familial responsibilities on the part of a woman, reason with her [first], then do not share the same bed [as a next measure], and [finally, if none works] separate from her. But if she mends her conduct, then do not seek to harm her. Indeed, God is ever Exalted and Great!245
If you fear that a couple might split, seek to bring an arbiter from each side to help bring about reconciliation, if they so desire. God is able to bring about harmony—He is All-Knowing and Aware!246
INTERPRETATION
245. In these verses, the Qur’an assigns the primary responsibility (i.e., obligation, not a right) of family maintenance on men, given certain attributes of men, such as physicality, not bearing children, ease of travel to earn an income, and other prevailing conditions in society (safety and ease of travel) that favor such assignment of responsibility. As society changes from agricultural to industrial to a knowledge economy and as societal conditions change to better attend to the needs of women such as childcare, maternity leave, safer travel and lodging, better legal protection for women, and so forth, some of the underlying external assumptions do change, while other conditions stay constant as part of the nature of creation and our internal predispositions. There are claims and disputes on both sides of the aisle (men and women, Muslims and non-Muslims, fundamentalists and moderates, etc.) as to whether such verses can be interpreted as declaring men superior to women, men having power over women, and so on. Equality of men and women permeates throughout the Qur’an—moral and fair treatments, rules about family life, the marriage relationship, participating in social activities, income generation, and reward for equal work. Attention has also been drawn to where women are prone to mistreatment and where potential for abuse exists. Let’s be reminded of the verses just preceding these verses: “Do not exploit or abuse bounties that God has given some of you more abundantly over others. Men shall benefit from what they earn, and women shall benefit from what they earn. Seek from God His bounty, and God is Ever Aware of all things” (4:32).
Guidance on social issues and social etiquette such as inheritance allocations, men’s obligation to family care, women’s dress code, and the like—are suggested ways to address issues of social concerns in contemporary society when the Qur’an was revealed and represent a distinct movement toward greater equality and mobility for women where none or serious lack of empowerment existed before. This guidance is not cast in stone and cannot be considered prescriptive (rather, it is suggestive), while concepts such as faith in One God, which is rooted in the realities of creation, is unaffected by our human condition or time. Gender equality and women’s equal access and participation in all matters of life are areas that call for greater dialogue with good intention and genuine desire to improve the human condition rather than literal and blind invocation of scripture by preachers and religiously dogmatic people.
The above verse has been much abused and misinterpreted by many Muslim preachers and Arab Muslims, in particular, to severely limit women’s rights and their access to equal voice in family matters and in the public square. While we blame others that they take a verse of the Qur’an in isolation to make their points, there are many instances in which Muslim jurists, imams, and political leaders have taken verses in isolation to renege on the rights of women and other vulnerable populations. The above verse is one such example, whereby Muslim men are given unlimited and shameful rights to mentally and physically abuse their wives and severely limit their freedom as human beings. We need to challenge such interpretations and practices wherever we live and align ourselves to the verse that says, “God commands you to establish justice, practice goodness, and show generosity to fellow human beings” (16:90).
246. To address serious moral, ethical, discordant, and aberrant behavior by either party (husband or wife), the Qur’an advocates a staged approach to bring about resolution and reconciliation—reasoning and admonishing about consequences, physical separation in bed to test the mutual affection and love, and then establishing distance from one’s spouse if such behavior persists. If all else fails, a separation followed by divorce may be a prudent course. But if there is any desire for mutual reconciliation, extended family and community have a responsibility to act as arbiters, agreeable to both parties, to effect renewed harmony, as God is ever able to make room for such harmony in our lives, provided we are genuinely interested in such outcomes.
Verses like this, though referenced in terms of women’s behavior, apply equally to men’s similar behavior, yet the reality on the ground among Muslim societies and families is that such verses are applied only against women and always in favor of men. There are countless instances every day where Muslim women are marginalized and abused by such misunderstanding of the Qur’an. The responsibility is on each one of us to reverse such situations; this is the only way we can demonstrate our faith in God and in human dignity. Gender equality and social justice should be the defining agenda of Muslim communities all over the world.
REFLECTION
The husband and wife relationship is a symbol of our human relationship and a symbol of our understanding of ourselves, our aim and purpose in life, our sense of justice and fairness, our sense of mutual respect and human dignity, and our sense of free will and freedom of choices that we make. Moral and ethical guidance and societal rules and laws are a reflection of our belief and value systems, and we need to bring consistency to our beliefs, our values, and our conduct among ourselves.
ACTION
Genuinely trying to understand the scripture, debating with openness and sincerity on issues that might appear controversial, and bringing about a larger perspective from people of diverse opinions are much needed in our discourse for greater understanding of the Qur’an and other books of revelations and refining the norms and values in societies today.
Key Arabic Terms
77. Qawamuna: Maintainer or caretaker
78. Nushuz: Rebellion, going against marital vows
79. Dharaba: Cover, travel, strike, avoid, contrast